Christmas Day – The sublime stinky feet

Do you know that “A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You" was the verse that was shown on the first commercially available Christmas card in 1843. Christmas has always been known to be a season of merriment and happiness. But why? Is it because of the gifts, the food, or the persons around us?

In my last week’s homily, I ended with the story of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Just a recap. There is this mean green monster called the Grinch who lives on a hill and below is a village called Whoville where the inhabitants were busy preparing for Christmas wrapping gifts, cooking food, and singing carols merrily and happily. 

The Grinch however is bothered and always awakened from sleep by their noise. So he thought that if he would steal all their gifts and food, they would sing no more since they would no longer be merry and happy, and he will be left in peace to sleep. So that night he dressed like Santa and dropped down all their chimneys, but instead of leaving a gift, he was stealing their gifts and their food. So he waited for the following morning expecting the people to be sad and quiet.  But the people of Whoville continued to sing their Christmas carols. And this kept the Grinch wondering because He thought their happiness and merriment was tied to their gifts. Then these lines from the book follow:

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.

What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!”

Christmas means a little bit more? Let me tell you my personal experience. And today I want you to remember yours also.  When I was a small child I always looked forward to Christmas mornings because every time I would wake up, I will rush to the Christmas tree open my Christmas presents, savor the once a year delicious Christmas food, and enjoy the company of my big family which reunites that time of the year. I was happy, there were gifts, there was food, and there were persons who shower me with love.

Fastforward when I was a seminarian, Christmas eve: there were no more gifts obviously, there was still food, and there were my fellow seminarians. I was still happy. As a priest I was assigned to this faraway very poor parish at the foot of a mountain in the Philippines with Fr Mario and another priest. It was our first year of pioneering there. Christmas eve: we had no presents, we had no food (except coca-cola and crackers), but we had each other enjoying the Coke and crackers under the moonlight counting all the stars. We were still happy.

A few years after, I was assigned in a parish in a jungle in Papua New Guinea. It was my first Christmas where I had to walk 30 kms to a very far village - walking with only my slippers and my bare feet practically the whole day of the 24^th - just to be able to celebrate Christmas mass the following morning there. All the food I had was in my knapsack. Christmas eve: no presents, no food, all alone in the small hut. But was I happy? Maybe yes, maybe not (To tell you the truth, I was homesick.) But as I lay awake in bed that night, I felt something else… joy…. I understood probably for the first time that Christmas is not all about me, whether I will be happy or not- ‘cause happiness is fleeting… it is about him. And that is Joy…

Joy to the world the Lord is come. Let earth receive her king.

Did you know that Isaac Watts in 1719 did not write Joy to the World to be a Christmas song. The original theme of this song was the second coming of the Lord. You see, Christmas won’t always be a happy time, happiness is a feeling that comes and goes but joy that is different – joy stays in your heart .  For when Jesus comes back, even the fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains will repeat the sounding joy.

And this reminded me:  I was not there in that village to make me or the villagers happy, I was there to tell them: Joy to the world! the Savior reigns. He rules the world with truth and grace.  In short I was there to tell them of the wonders, the wonders of his love.

Only with that, I have personally fulfilled the passage of Isaiah 52 today: “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of the messenger who announces peace, who brings good news, who announces “Joy to the world” because your God, your Savior reigns.”

I do this because Jesus by becoming a child today has fulfilled this prophecy of Isaiah ahead of me. I could only but follow him because as John would put it: Today “the Word became flesh and lived among us. And now we see his glory, the glory as of a father’s only begotten son, full of grace and truth.”

I observed a certain Christmas tradition among Asians. On that part of the world, after the Christmas mass, the child Jesus would be carried in front, and young and old would line up to kiss Jesus and greet him a Happy Birthday. Well that’s normal, you would think. But then I noticed that people would not kiss the cheek or the hand of the child…. Majority would kiss the feet…. I really never knew why. But today I realize it really must be because it fulfills the passage from Isaiah:

“How beautiful are the feet of the One who announces peace, who brings good news, who announces salvation (Joy to the world) because your God, your Savior reigns.”

You know sometimes we glamorize this passage. Beautiful feet do not really mean clean and manicured feet. One who goes up and down the mountains to bring news will definitely have his feet dirty, sweaty, tired, bruised, and stinky. Those are the feet of the messenger. Those are the feet of Christ. Even at that manger where he was born, his parents after miles and miles of travel, the animals with all their dirt and dung, the trough where the animals drink…boy was the real manger where Jesus was born really stinky. But was it beautiful. Yes. And this is telling us that today God, the Word, so divine, so eternal, so sublime, so heavenly -becomes flesh – so small, so helpless, so stinky, so ugly, so limited as nature… and yet oure song ends with: And heaven and nature sing, and heaven and nature sing (3x). Because today heaven and nature are united in Jesus. ‘The Word became flesh’ – the divine becomes human, and the sublime gets stinky feet – and heaven and nature continues to sing.

And now we all have reason for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And that my dear friends is my wish for all of us today.

References:

Brukett, C. (2013). PreacherRhetorica.  http://www.preacherrhetorica.com/christmas-day-homily1.html

Dr Seuss. (1957). How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

http://www.xmasfun.com/Stories/Grinch/Text.asp

Felix, D. (2012).  Mental_floss  http://mentalfloss.com/article/26650/first-christmas-card-was-sent-1843

Kalis, R. Joy Bringer Ministries. “ Hymn.” Accessed December 22, 2014.   http://joy-bringer-ministries.org/hymn1.html

The Green-eyed Monster called "Envy"

Today I will no longer talk about vampires. I’ll tell you about a monster that creeps in us and many times we may not be aware of it…. It’s the green-eyed monster. A realtor offers you half-a-million dollars in cash for your year old townhouse you bought for 250K. What would you do? Sell it… But then you find out out that the ones on your right and on your left were offered a million each. What would you do? It’s not fair, so you complain and fight for what you think is rightfully yours. And you think you are fighting for justice, but then the real issue is that you are envious. That’s Envy – the green-eyed monster.

We hear in the parable of today: “Are you envious because I am generous”? The first batch of workers had agreed upon a set wage. The subsequent batches of workers were promised a fair wage. Thus, there was no question of injustice. They were paid according to what they had agreed. The sore point came when those who did the least amount of work got the same as those who did a full day’s work. The question is not about justice or fairness but of envy.

Envy is something which afflicts all of us. It is the Green-eyed monster. In Shakespeare’s Othello and Merchant of Venice, this green-eyed monster is “jealousy and envy.” But in Marvel Superheroes, it is called the Incredible Hulk, a good and kind man named Bruce Banner will at times turn into this green-eyed monster over which he has no control of and this Hulk destroys things along his path without reason. That’s what jealousy and envy does. Envy, this G.E.M, destroys persons along its path, and you don’t even realize it’s you who are doing it.

Would you like to know if the green eyed monster called envy has entered you? Here are three questions to ask:

(1) Is there anyone I don’t like? 

Sometimes you don't like someone because he offended or hurt you. But sometimes you don’t know why you don’t like someone and you can’t explain it. Hmmm is this envy… go to Q2.

(2) What does the other have that I don’t have- but I want to have?

You look enviously on your friend’s Iphone 6, you have only 4S… this might be just jealousy and not yet envy. Go to Q3.

(3) Will I be secretly delighted if something bad happens to that other?

Envy secretly delights to hear the falls, faults, fumbles, and failures of the other person. It is envy when you find delicious satisfaction in knowing that the person you are envious of is now getting his series of bad luck. You even spread the sad news of what happened to him around. You belong to a church ladies group, one of the members won a brand-new Mercedes Benz in the raffle. She bought only one ticket, you bought so many and didn’t even win the starbucks certificate. Of course you are envious. Not only that, she just entered the group and you have been there for years, and all the members like her, of course you are envious. So one day you hear rumors about her failing marriage. And during the meeting she was absent. It’s your turn to get back at her.  “Ladies, let us pray for our member Marcela, the charming lady who won the Mercedez Benz… and let us pray for her because I heard her marriage is falling apart.”

Rick Warren wrote a book: The Purpose Driven Life. After describing the deadly effects of envy, he proposes steps to eradicating this vice in the chapter "The Envy Trap".

The first step to eradicating envy is: Stop comparing yourself to others. There is this man - Tony Melendez. He was born without arms, so Tony learned to play the guitar with his toes. In 1987, He performed for St. John Paul II when the pope visited Los Angeles. Visibly moved, John Paul descended from his chair to embrace Melendez. The crowd broke into a sustained applause. Tony could have been filled with anger and envy for what others have and he was not given, but he did not do that. He gave thanks for his two feet and developed the gifts God gave him. So the first step to overcome envy is to stop comparing with others. When envy tempts you, say: "I am not going down that path."

The first step is a big one, but the second is even more difficult: In place of envy, celebrate God's goodness to others. The Bible says, "rejoice with those who rejoice." That can be hard. You and I thank God for gifts we receive. How often do we thank God for what God does for someone else? Eph 3:8 speaks of "the unending, boundless, fathomless, incalculable and exhaust-less riches of Christ." So don't worry. If someone else receives a blessing, God has plenty more where that one came from.

Have you ever walked a beach when the tide is coming in? It raises every boat, every buoy, everything it finds in its path, big or small. Something similar happens with God's love. When the other person receives a gift, it doesn't take something from me. On the contrary, God's love is like an incoming tide… an incoming wave from the ocean that lifts us all.  Celebrate God's goodness to others and he will lift you with them.

Today God asks, "Are you envious because I am generous?" Do not be afraid to give him an honest answer - and then recognize his gifts to you and that his goodness to others will ultimately lift you up. As our Responsorial Psalm (145) of today says: "Every day I will bless you...Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised...The Lord is good to all."

References:

Martin, G. (1995) “Green Eyed Monster in Shakespeare.” The Phrase Finder.  http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/green-eyed-monster.html

Marvel (2014).Hulk (Bruce Banner). Marvel Universe Wiki.

http://marvel.com/universe/Hulk_(Bruce_Banner)

Roth, I. (2010). “Envy – the Green-Eyed Monster.” Ezinearticles.com.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Envy---The-Green-Eyed-Monster&id=3560135

Sanchez, B. (2014). How to deal with Difficult People. Shepherd’s voice publication, Philippines.

Bloom, P. (2014). “Finding your Place.” Simple Catholicism.

http://stmaryvalleybloom.org/homilyfor-25sunday-a.html

The Cross of Christ- it's red, white, never blue, eh (disclaimer: I'm color-blind)

Today we celebrate the exaltation and the triumph of the Holy Cross. Strange, why do we celebrate an object, a symbol? Symbols remind people of what is and what should be. It reminds us of who we are and where we are destined to. But most of all symbols are important for us because we find meaning in it. Take for example the Canadian flag- it is a symbol. For a non-Canadian, it may be just a piece of cloth… But for us here in Canada, we honor this flag, we respect it, because for us it has meaning, it signifies something sacred- the land, the people.

In the upcoming  movie “Tusk”… There’s this American guy named Wallace who is crossing the border to go to Manitoba.  The Canadian Immigration Officer asks him if he likes hockey. Wallace replies: "If I say I don’t like hockey, will it make you Canadians sad?"

The Officer remarked: Canadians don't get sad. Sadness was invented by the USA. Wallace asks: “How’s that?” The Officer points to the Canadian flag and says: See that flag … what do you see beyond it?  Wallace: "A white wall? (He could not see the meaning behind the symbol)".  The Officer remarks: You see that in America; you may be red, white and blue. But in Canada you're red, white, but never blue, eh, ever. 

Now for us Christians our flag is the Holy Cross of Jesus. Many people could not see anything behind this symbol but for us, it is the symbol of our salvation.

In the Old Testament today, the people of Israel were losing their faith in God, and poisonous snakes began to appear and attacked them. All who were bitten died.  Then God commanded Moses to fix a bronze serpent on a pole and then raise it up for all to see.  And all those who looked and gazed upon this symbol, even if they would be bitten by the poisonous snakes would live and not die.

This event foreshadows what happens in the New Testament which says God loved the world so much that He sent his only begotten Son to be sacrificed and lifted high on the cross for all to see… and all who believe will be saved. That Cross on which Jesus hung is the instrument of our salvation. And this cross we are proud of and today we celebrate it. But the story does not stop there.

When the Body of Jesus was removed from it, to prevent His followers from finding it, the Cross was thrown in a ditch or well, and then covered with stones and earth.  In 312 A.D., while Constantine, who had not yet converted to Christianity, was in combat with Maxentius for the throne of the Roman Empire, he prayed to the Lord God of the Christians to help him in his battle. In answer to his prayer, a sign appeared in the sky. A luminous cross was seen with the words “In hoc signo vinces” (By this sign you will conquer) inscribed on it.

Following this, Constantine won the battle over Maxentius. Indebted to God for his victory at the Milvian Bridge on October 28, 312, Constantine commanded that the sign of Christianity be placed on the Roman standards and on the shields of all the soldiers.

And according to St John Chrysostom, Constantine's mother, St Helena, longed to find the cross of Christ. For this reason she travelled to Jerusalem where she organized a dig at the hill of Calvary. The diggers uncovered three wooden crosses. They could not tell which was the cross of Jesus and which were the crosses of the two thieves crucified with him. Finally they brought a sick woman and a dead man who was being carried to burial. One after the other, the three crosses were made to touch the sick woman and the dead man. Two of the crosses had no effect, but on contact with the third cross, the sick woman was healed and the dead man came to life. They have found the holy cross.

News of the finding of the true cross quickly spread and believers gathered to see the true cross and to venerate it. The Patriarch of Jerusalem, Makarios, standing on a raised platform, lifted high the cross, "exalting" it, for all to see. The people fell to their knees, bowing down before the cross and crying out repeatedly: "Lord, have mercy!" St Helena then commissioned a church to be built over the site. The church of the Holy Sepulchre was consecrated on September 13, 335. The feast of the finding and exaltation of the Cross was appointed to be celebrated annually on the following day. The basilica of the Holy Sepulchre is today regarded as the holiest spot on earth by Christians of all denominations.

To the world the cross looks like hardship and pain, but to those of us who believe, it is a fortress against the night and an oasis against the heat. All of the world’s wisdom has stood in opposition to the cross, and yet here we are. All of the world’s wisdom sees the cross as a sign of defeat and failure, and yet here are. All of the world’s wisdom tells us that the cross is not the way, that we must be strong and independent, and yet here we are, bending down, as it were, to kiss the holy cross.

Do not think, my brothers and sisters, that the world can be right. If you believe that acceptance of the cross or the practice of humility is a sign of weakness and failure, then you do not know the truth. For only cowards rely on brute strength, and only weaklings prey on the vulnerable. The cross is the very fulcrum which has turned the world upside down – where once there was evil sitting on the throne, now there is love.

That is what we come here to remember. For we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a scandal and to Gentiles foolishness but God’s foolishness is wiser than any human wisdom, and God’s weakness is stronger than any human strength and so, for us who believe, Jews and Gentiles alike, the cross of Christ is nothing less than the power, the wisdom and the glory of God.

So what color is the cross, then (disclaimer, I'm color-blind, so I'm not infallible when it comes to color)? For me, it’s like the Canadian flag. It’s always red, for the true cross is soaked by the blood of Christ poured out for love of us. It is always white, for the true cross asks us to carry it with purity of heart to realize the brightness of Christ’s resurrection. It is never blue, for in spite of the sacrifice behind the symbol is the joy and the hope which brings true happiness. The Cross of Christ- always red, always white, and never blue.

References:

AMC independent. (2014) "Tusk- Exclusive Clib - Canado's and Canadon'ts" Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9k55r_nSGog

Ezeogu, M. (2014) “Light a Candle”- website. http://munachi.com/z/exaltationofthecross.htm

Zehnie, D. (2008) Servant and Steward – website.

http://dzehnle.blogspot.ca/2008/09/homily-exaltation-of-holy-cross.html

Adapted from the homily of St. Peter Damian on the occasion of the Solemnity of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross and of a homily of the Rev. Michael Fuller, adapted from the same homily of St. Peter Damian. Both in C. Colt Anderson, Christian Eloquence: Contemporary Doctrinal Preaching (Chicago, Illinois: Hillenbrand Books, 2005)

Pain demands to be felt

I watched this movie: The Fault in our Stars (from a novel by John Green). And there was this scene where Hazel reads from the Peter Van Houten book “An Imperial Affliction” this passage:

"PAIN demands to be felt.  [Pain -] It is the ultimate superhero: backs down to no one, overcomes every obstacle.  All the nerve blocks and neuro-chemical disruptors and inflammation antagonists line up, and PAIN barrels through them all, refusing to go unheard, bringing justice where otherwise there would only be peace.  It rises up, sears through me once more, and reminds myself that no single moment is unbearable, [and] that all will be borne."

It is true: Pain has to be borne. Pain has to be suffered. That is what our mortal lives is all about. The One Up There never promised to remove the pain. But then He sent that SomeOne Near Him down here to see us through it... to walk with us through the pain. 

The Ecstasy in Being Cited

One of the greatest highs of being a newbie in the academe is when your technical paper/thesis/article gets cited by your peers in their works.

The first time I saw myself referenced was in an article about Arthur L. Hammond in Wikipedia. They referenced my paper (Towards a Christian Pastoral Approach to Cambodian Culture), the part which dealt about the translation of the Bible into the Khmer language.

Later my paper (Classroom Questioning Behavior Factors in Cambodian Vocational Technical Institutions) was cited in Dr I-Hsuan Cheng's article  "Case Studies of Integrated Pedagogy in Vocational Education: A Three-Tier Approach to Empowering Vulnerable Youth in Urban Cambodia" found in the International Journal of Educational Development, Volume 30, Issue 4, July 2010, Pages 438–446.

Google Scholar recorded some more citations:
- Gerhard Wiebe in 2011 cited parts of my thesis for his Masteral thesis (Mit dem Evangelium nach Kambodscha) for the University of South Africa.
- John Buckley of Kaiser University cited my journal article (Technology-aided cheating in open and distance elearning: What else do we need to know?) in his conference paper "Exploring a New Model of Academic Integrity: The PACT System" at the Society for Information Technology & Teacher Education International Conference, Mar 17, 2014 in Jacksonville, Florida, USA.
- Saeed Naseer Saeed Alqahtani of King Saudi University cited the same paper in his article: "Impact of Technology in Classrooms of Saudi Arabian Students in a Midwest University"


Knowing this fills me with a great sense of gratitude to my mentors (the One Up There primarily) who "coerced" me to write. Being cited after all reminds me that what I have written though few have in some little way contributed to the discussions to further the growth of social science. It's consoling to know that I have not written in vain.

Vampire Homilies 05 - 19th Sunday (“I am sinking, save me")

How do we tame, train, and transform our vampire?

Last week we saw that to be able to tame and train our vampire, we need to be able to protect ourselves first… and we do this by creating either a physical or emotional distance. Today in the gospel Jesus reminds us: “Immediately after feeding the crowd, Jesus and his disciples got into the boat to go ahead of the crowd to the other side (physical distance). And after he had dismissed the crowd, Jesus went up the mountain by himself to pray (emotional distance).(Mt.14:22)

Today let’s go further, how do we transform our vampire?

The gospel talks about Jesus saving Peter at sea. He sees Jesus walking on the water, gets out of the boat, starts walking to Jesus, gets frightened of the strong wind, and starts sinking.  Then he shouts: “Lord, save me.” Jesus saved the wavering and unstable Peter because Jesus is stability personified, a rock, an anchor, to which Peter could cling to and hold on to for dear life and would never ever sink.

Now this time let’s have this scenario at sea but with you and your vampire. Both of you are in the boat, then your vampire jumps in the water, and not knowing how to swim shouts: “Friend, save me” as he extends his hands for you to reach.  What will you do?

Will you jump from the boat and swim to his aid? What if he pulls you down with him?  That’s what vampires do, right? If you give your hand, they pull you down. What you do is get a rope, tie one end to a secure part of the boat, throw the rope at him, and if he grabs it, you pull him towards the boat.

The only way to save him is to maintain your distance from him and to maintain your position of stability. How to maintain distance we already discussed. But to maintain your position of stability, what does that mean?

Remember again the story of the old man with a stick who will beat you whether you eat the bread or not? What are our options? (1) walk out and find bread elsewhere, (2) protect your head and eat the bread…. Both are about maintaining distance.

Today, to transform your vampire you have to remember it’s now about you, it’s about you maintaining your stability: Take his stick and break bread together. Invite the old man to sit with you at table – to break bread together. Take the stick. Your message to him is: “Don’t lord it over me, don’t go abusing me. Let’s sit as equals and share our stories together.

Say what you feel, this means confronting your vampire (I was hurt by what you said...) But don’t say it harshly or judgingly; you’ll trigger the vampire’s sophisticated defence. It will blink red alert and he’ll either avoid you or attack you like a threatened animal.

Say your lines calmly. “A soft and gentle answer turns away anger, but harsh words stir up fury and wrath” (Pr 15:1).  To Elijah the Lord says: Go stand on the mountain, the Lord is about to pass by. There was the wind, so powerful, so harsh, but the Lord was not there. There was the earthquake, so strong, but the Lord was not there. There was the fire, so blinding and destructive, but the Lord was not there.. and after came a sheer silence. And Elijah heard it, and he wrapped his face because he knew God has come. God could not be found in force and violence, but in kindness, gentleness, and love. (1 K 19)

And so, love them to shame. The vampire or that really difficult person you are talking to is also a beloved child of God. And you have to remind him of that and do not just remind him of his weakness. You can do this because you know that this person deep down inside is not really a vampire. By showing him this kindness, you are telling him: “Your stick has no effect on me.  It is totally useless. Here let me love you.” When you deal with really difficult people, tell them they are difficult. But do not forget to tell them, through your words and actions, that they are worthy of love. Take his stick and eat bread together.

Transformation is never instant. Transformation is a journey. And as you journey with him in this task, do not forget to protect yourself – maintain your physical and emotional distance when needed and maintain your position of stability.

Finally remember that your role is to help heal their brokenness not to heal their badness. When you see a really difficult person, you only see parts of a broken vase… these broken parts are ugly, sharp, useless. You do not like to look at it, you get cut when you hold it, and all you feel is that is should be thrown away. But then that’s how you see…. You see badness and this- you cannot heal. However if you try to see how this all happened to him and from his perspective, you might have a change of heart. Here’s how a vampire feels about his life in his own words; try to feel what he feels:

“I see a beautiful and expensive vase. I reach out to touch its exquisite feel. It’s old, heavy, yet elegant and feels great. O how I would like to own a vase like this. I put back the vase on its pedestal to make sure it’s safe. And just as I was about to step away, I see the vase tip and start to fall. Like slow motion, I try to reach for it, but it slips through my fingers and shatters on the cold, marble ground. As the pieces scatter through the room, shattering sounds echo through my heart.

I stop and die a little inside. I have just broken the most beautiful vase I’ve ever seen. As I stare at the pieces I begin to realize… that vase is me. I panic. Put all the pieces in a pile. I begin to cry, I scream and shout. It doesn’t help. The vase is still broken and no amount of frustration, anger, crying, or beating myself up is ever going to put it back together again.

There is no more emotion left to feel but emptiness. I try to find a glue that could hold the pieces together again but to no avail. I need your help but I am afraid that all you see will be ugly, sharp, and useless pieces of a broken vase and like me it is worthless.”

When you try to tame and transform a vampire, will he change?  Well sometimes the vampires change.  Sometimes they won’t. But you know, that’s Ok because your role is not to know if they changed or not. Let God take care of that as a potter fixes a broken vase.  Your role is to love your vampire… to defang them. To tell them that they are really children of an incredible God who loves them totally and could heal them.  Your role is not to heal their badness.  Your role is to help heal their brokenness. So do not worry, do not be afraid of what happens to you for at the end it would be just like the gospel of today:

So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water and came to Jesus. When he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out: “Lord, save me!" Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him. “Take heart, my friend, it is I; do not be afraid.” (Mt. 14: 29b-31a.27)

Additional Reference:

Dealing with Brokenness

http://journeyanswers.com/brokenness?nPartner=enAdwords02w-dn

God can Heal Brokenness
http://christianinspirational.org/god-can-heal-brokenness/

Vampire Homilies 04 - 18th Sunday (How to get the bread)

So how do we protect ourselves from vampires? In Jesus time, there too were many vampires around him from which he had to protect himself.

Jesus had to defend himself from the criticising vampires, the Scribes and Pharisees.  They followed and listened to Jesus closely but not in order to learn.  Instead were eagerly waiting for him to make any small mistake in what he says and pounce on him. They were watching him in their hidden cameras placed all around so that they could edit any good thing he does and make it look bad and use it in court against him. They were insecurity personified.

At the start of the gospel of today, there was Herod, the spoiled brat vampire who had John the Baptist beheaded just because John could not shut up, or better because Herod promised his head to Herodias daughter just to please his court. And John was the cousin of Jesus. Did Jesus and his followers stage a protest with placards saying: Justice for John?  Note that Jesus did not confront Herod immediately. His time had not yet come. Why? He had to protect himself.

In John’s version of the gospel of today, after Jesus had multiplied the bread and fed the hungry crowd. He saw himself amidst clinging vampires. When the people saw the sign that he had done, they began to say, ‘This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world.’ And they were about to take him by force and make him king.  They needed Jesus because they wanted him to open a 24 hour bake shop that multiplied bread and feed them every day so that they would no longer need to work. From these people too, Jesus had to protect himself.

So how did Jesus protect himself? Let’s go back the story of last week, where the old man tells you: If you eat the bread, I’ll beat you with a stick. If you don’t eat the bread, I’ll beat you with a stick. What would you do? You see in real life, many of us would suffer the beating just so we could eat, because we do not want to starve. Some might tolerate the childish screams and tantrums of their boss because they need the job… because the hunger for food is more urgent than the hunger for dignity. Some children of working age would tolerate the daily nagging and soul-killing and toxic words from their immature parents just because they feel they have no choice… because their hunger for the familiar even if it is painful is more urgent than their hunger for their freedom. When you do not protect yourself, you send a clear message to yourself that you don’t value yourself, that you are not important. This was what I was stressing last week. After understanding how the vampire operates, it’s time to start protecting ourselves from them. So how will we not get beaten up by the stick?

1. Walk out and find bread elsewhere. Get away from the old man, leave the bread at the table, and look for better bread far from this house. Jesus said:”And if a town refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.” (Lk 9:5). Walk away from the vampires. And don’t take their rejection personally, because it’s not about you. Leave them in the hands of God. Toxic friends that suck your joy and lead you to things you don’t agree. Walk away. A boyfriend who is cheating on you. Walk away. A girlfriend who’s just using you and treating you like garbage. Walk away. Create a physical distance. Sometimes this means totally cutting off a relationship. But sometimes it just means decreasing your time and involvement with a really difficult person.

In the gospel of today, when Jesus heard that Herod had beheaded John, he withdrew in a boat to a deserted place by himself.  In the multiplication of the bread in the gospel of John, when Jesus realised that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, he withdrew again to the mountain by himself. Jesus walked away. He created a physical distance.

But what if the boss is your vampire and you really love your job? What if your husband is the vampire and you can’t really leave him? What if your emotionally disturbed mother is a vampire and you are not yet of age to run away from the house? What if your insulting teacher is the vampire and you can’t just walk out of the class? In short you cannot find bread elsewhere and you really have to eat this even with a threatening stick on your head, what do you do?

Remember you were biking before, so simply wear your helmet.

2. Protect your head and eat the bread. There are times you cannot create physical space between you and the vampire. So create an emotional space. If you cannot get out of the world of the vampire, you protect yourself by wearing an extra thick emotional helmet. What does this imply? No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor Roosevelt). No one can make you feel bad without your approval. The reason why you feel bad when someone criticises you or hurl harsh words at you is because you allow his words to enter your heart. Use the truth to emotionally separate you from your vampire.  You have to imagine the truth even when the truth is not yet obvious.

For example you have a brother who verbally abuses you and says nasty things straight at your face. And you live in the same house. Remember he criticises to make you feel inferior so that he could feel superior. He is super insecure, not you. So how do you distance yourself emotionally? Shrink him and imagine him as a little plastic toy that makes a lot of noise. Then you realize that even if this little toy shouts at you all he wants, it won’t bother you because it’s just a little harmless toy. You see the truth is immature and insecure people though they may look big and terrifying on the outside, they are really small people (remember the frightened snake, frog, etc).

In reality you are much bigger than they are because you are a child of a big God. And like in the second reading of today: Who can separate us from the love of God? not even the vampires. Thus no one has the permission to belittle you.  The vampire or the really difficult person is small because he feels insecure, immature, wounded, afraid and broken. All this because he does not feel true love, but rather feels abandoned deep inside. So instead of feeling anger or hurt for what a vampire has done to you, feel compassion for him. In your mind pick up that little noisy toy and fly away to God’s repair shop to bring him there. Can you do that? Of course you can because you experience God’s love and truth more than he does.

With these two ways of creating distance, you will now able to tame and train your vampire at the same time protect yourself from them. 

But wait, there’s still one last thing. How do we transform the vampire? 

See you next week then for the conclusion of the vampire series.

Additional References:

St. Clair, Sue. How to deal with emotional vampires.

http://suestclair.hubpages.com/hub/How-to-deal-with-emotional-vampires_2

Bernstein, Albert. Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People who drain you dry,  “How to Protect yourself,”

http://www.albernstein.com/id62.htm

 Disclaimer: These articles do not claim grammatical correctness because it's a draft guide for a spoken homily. It merely answers to the need of the people who heard it and would like to review what was said that particular Sunday.

Vampire Homilies 03 - 17th Sunday (The Hidden Treasure – Yourself: Protect it, Guard it)

“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field which someone discovers, and he hides and guards it so that they cannot steal it. Then he sells all he has and buys the field just to get that treasure.”(Mt. 13.44)  Our life is like a treasure hunt.  Before you can find the most precious treasure in life, you must first discover the first treasure which you usually take for granted… that most precious treasure which has been given to you to find the most precious treasure in the world. And that treasure is you… yourself.

This brings us to the continuation of last week…. How to tame, train, transform your vampires. How to tame those really difficult people around you? To do this the first rule is: Protect yourself from them at all times. You must not let those vampires take over you and control you and suck the life out of you. If you do this, then you’ve lost the most essential treasure to find the most important treasure in life. 

How do we do this? For any technique in self-defense, you first need to understand your opponent. You have to first understand those different vampires I told you about last week.

Imagine you are biking up the hills of Squamish. The view is wonderful and breathtaking up there. Then you decide to go higher up the steep beautiful forest. So you park your bike, take your backpack, and continue on foot. But then you get lost… you try to walk back to where you think your bike was parked but then you seem to go on circles. You feel tired, frustrated, and hungry. Then you chanced upon a small cabin. You run to it and knock on the door. An old man opens it, and lets you in. He seats you in front of the dining table with a large piece of bread on it. You grab the bread, but before you could bite you hear the man saying: “If you eat that bread, I will beat you with this stick. If you don’t eat that bred, I will beat you with this stick.” Then you look up and you see a stick over your head.  What will you do?

That’s how a vampire operates. That’s how really difficult people treat you.  When you deal with them, remember, you can never please them no matter what you do.  So do not even try.

When the criticising vampires judge you, it’s not about you. You could be Mother Theresa and he will still find something wrong with you. (I admire your love for the poor, but you’re not defending the First Nations, nor are you doing something for global warming, you don’t seem to care about the extinction of endangered species, and with that sari you wear as your habit, you have no fashion sense at all.) It’s not about you. Protect yourself. It’s about his insecurities. He wants to make you inferior, so he can feel superior.

When the spoiled brat vampire is trying to manipulate you through anger or intimidation, and you don’t follow him, he makes a tantrum. He’ll shout.  He’ll threaten you. But it is not about you. So protect yourself. It is about his immaturity. His tantrums come from his deep fear of losing control, which in his mind is connected to losing his own worth.

When the sensitive vampire tries to lure you into self-pity, into that dark dungeon of loneliness and misery, remember it’s not about you.  There is no amount of help that you could give that would heal the hurts she feels or lessen the suffering she bears. Don’t try to fall into the trap that you could heal her sorrow, because only she can do that. So it’s not about you. It is about her woundedness. And that wound will fester and grow if she is not able to forgive herself first.

When the clinging vampire holds on to you, it is not because she loves you truly. She just could not stand being alone. It’s not about you, so don’t fall into the trap that she really needs you and that she’ll die without you. No protect yourself. It is all about her fear of isolation. She was probably left alone as a child by her parents. And yet come to think of it, at the end of it all we all die alone… we’ll all have to face God alone. So you better get used to it. But she is does not.

When the plastic vampire charms you and flatters you, don’t fall for him right away. Protect yourself and don’t easily believe. All those lies he tells, it’s not about you. It’s about him. He fears to remove his mask, because as long as he wears that plastic mask, people love him and see a beautiful and powerful him (ex. Batman, captain America). He is afraid to remove the mask because he fears the person behind the mask that people will not love that him when he is exposed. Thus he masks his true personality with lies so that we could not see the real him.

So now I hope you discover that the first treasure God has given you is yourself. The kingdom begins with you. Do not let the vampires or the really difficult people steal that treasure from you. When you don’t protect yourself from really difficult people, it is you who get punished:

• Psychologically- imagine the stress vampires make you feel everyday, the sleepless nights, the daily worry, the acid in your stomach, the tightness in your chest.
• Physically- dealing with vampires gives you headaches, ulcers, body pains, and might even lead to brain tumors as you worry about them.
• Spiritually- These vampires could make you lose your very identity and purpose if you allow them to control your life.  If you lose that vision of seeing yourself as a treasure you could end up seeing yourself as trash. So protect that treasure. Guard that treasure from the vampires.

How do we do that? Like in the earlier story… how do we get to eat the bread if there’s a stick upon our head? How do we protect ourselves from getting hurt? There are two ways. We’ll tackle that next week when you come for Holy Mass.

Reference: 

Sanchez, Bo. How to deal with difficult people. Shepherd's Voice Publication, Inc. 2014.

Vampire homilies 02 - 16th Sunday (Types of Vampires)

Types of Vampires or Really Difficult Persons

1 -Criticising Vampire- his divine mission is to correct the wrongs of this world.  It’s not really about you. It’s about him. He has a need to make others small so he can become big.  The real problem about these persons is that they really don’t like themselves… so they have to hide that fact behind their outward show of arrogance and anger.

2 -Spoiled Brat Vampire – He has to get what he wants. He has to have control of the situation. Everything has to be according to his plan. He is a controlling vampire. If he doesn’t get it, he throws tantrums. If the criticising vampire is offended or hurt, he’ll be like a grenade and blow his top – leaving a lot of collateral damage- all those poor people around him who gets hurt in the process. If he makes demands and they are not met, he’ll threaten to leave the relationship or the group that he works with.

3 -Sensitive Vampire – the vampire who for any simple reason cries. People who are overly sensitive…  too onion skinned. They always see the hurt and the pain in anything you do or say to them. It’s like: Anything you say or do will be used against you.  If you raise your voice probably because of excitement or happiness, she asks: why are you shouting at me? She feels that the whole world is out to get her and hurt her.  She is a victim vampire. She just wants to feel sorry for herself. You know why? if she doesn’t she will lose her core identity as a victim of life’s never ending catastrophes.

4 -Clinging Vampires – they are needy vampires, needy persons. They cling to you, holding on to you for dear life.. they will make you feel that their entire life is totally dependent on you. Their entire self-esteem is almost based on your presence in their life. And you will feel smothered, annoyed, pestered… can’t breathe in that relationship.  And if you request for some space, get ready for a huge drama to erupt….  They will fight tooth and nail to get you back, the way someone fights for oxygen.  But here’s the thing. Once they get tired of you they'll leave you, and very soon you’ll find them sinking their teeth onto their next victim. Clinging vampires can’t be alone. They will always have to be in a co-dependent relationship.

5 -Plastic Vampires – you love these vampires just like you wow at an eye-candy.  This vampire is the most charming yet the most dangerous. Single ladies beware. He will sweep you off your feet with sweet and loving words. He’ll go out of his way, giving you gifts, calling you just to ask how you are, opening his heart until you fall in love with him…. And then… you catch him lying about something small… but he has an excuse, and when the excuse does not hold, he has an elaborate story to back it up until you unwittingly believe.  Later you discover that he has a mountain of unpaid debts and a long tale of indiscretions. Then you realize he is a pathological liar. He is a fake – a plastic vampire.  This vampire is so good at lying, he actually believes in his own lies. It all starts with one lie, but to be consistent he will have to support that one lie with nine other lies. Soon his stories will be an intricate messy web of deception that will one day come crashing down on him. 

Can you now see these types of vampires around you…. So why do you think I told you about them. So that we can avoid them, right? Wrong.  So that we can change them, right? Wrong. The goal of this is not to change other people. The goal is to change you.  But I’m not a vampire! yet… Check out the gospel of today.

One day the master sowed good seeds in his field, but while everybody was asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. (Just like everyone of us, we were all created good in God’s image. But then seeds of evil trickled in – the effects of sin, the evil influences around us – people, society, places, circumstances) Later on when the slaves saw the weeds among the wheat, the slaves asked the master: Would you like us to gather the weeds and destroy them? The master said No. for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat. Let both of them grow together until the harvest.  The weeds and the wheat when young are indistinguishable… just like the good and the bad seeds in each of us. Thus they grow together. But when the time comes that you can distinguish each, only then can you start the task of uprooting.

You might not find yourself in the types of vampires I mentioned. But certainly seeds of one of those vampires might be there in you already- you might have been bitten by one of them. That is why it is important this early to see what are your tendencies… which vampire seed is there in you…so that the sooner you realize the weeds of these vampires in you, you can learn to uproot them because now you could distinguish the wheat from the weeds… the good  from the bad.

So how can we uproot these weeds of vampirism in us? 

My favorite movie in 2010 was “How to train your dragon” – In a Viking village where dragons and the people were trying to kill each other, there was this young lad named Hiccup. He believed that the dragons no matter how fearful did not really want to harm them. Instead he believes that these dragons can be tamed and trained to be partners with humans in their way of life because they were their alter egos. And he turned out to be right.

It’s the same with us…. We must not kill the vampires around us and in us (yet)… rather we must tame them and train them…. How do we do this?

 “How to train your vampires” – next week.


References: 
Bernstein, Albert. Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People who Drain you Dry, McGraw-Hill, 2001.

Sanchez Jr, Eugenio. How to deal with Difficult People, Shepherd's Voice Publication, 2014.