Anonymous Mom, 38: I have this picture in my head of what kind of wife, mom, and person I want to be. But the moment I walk into the house everyone needs or wants or demands and all heck breaks loose. I can't balance the house and the kids and my husband. I feel I’m not good enough.
Firefox, 20, M: I try so hard and get so far and in the end it doesn't even matter. It’s as if I’m not even good enough. So why try at all?
Eliza, 25, F: I’m in a relationship with my current bf for the past 6 years and throughout these years I just feel that I am not good enough for him. We constantly fight, quarrel about the littlest things in life and there’s always miscommunication. Is it time to call it quits?
Atelophobia is the fear of imperfection…. the fear of never being good enough.
We have three characters in our Scripture today, and each of them were called to work for God. But then all of them had an attack of atelophobia -they all voiced out their unworthiness - “But Lord, I am not good enough!”
Peter, upon seeing the two boats nearly sink from the miraculous catch of fish, comes to see Jesus in a new way. He falls to his knees and what does he say? “Leave me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” In the Old testament we have the prophet Isaiah, who was being confronted with God’s majesty shining forth and filling the Temple. Isaiah says, “Woe is me, I am doomed. For I am a man of unclean lips living among a people of unclean lips.” Paul, in the second reading, was clearly taken aback, aware that God was choosing him. He says, “I am but the least of the apostles, and am not even fit to be called one, because I persecuted the church of God.” - In short all three were saying: "We are not good enough for you."
All of us, I think, can identify with Peter, Paul and Isaiah, when we come to that deep awareness of our inadequacy: that we have screwed up and failed. Sometimes, we can get stuck there, feeling that our flaws and defects disqualify us from really answering God’s call and serving God’s kingdon. Yet our readings today paint another picture, one that offers us consolation and hope. They speak to us of a God who comes to us and calls us, not because we are “good enough,” but because of who God is: God is love. This is the God who is passionately in love with us, who not only forgives us, but uses our weaknesses to do wonderful things for catching others in the net of his love and mercy.
Look at Paul: the same person who persecuted Christians was forgiven, and in that power was called by Christ to go out and preach the Gospel to the Gentiles. Look at Peter: a weak, stubborn and seemingly fair-weather friend, who denied Jesus three times after promising otherwise, who turned and wept for his failure. This is the same person whom Jesus called to lead his church, to preach and heal.
Look closely at those whom God has called down through the centuries: Abraham, Sarah, Moses, David, Matthew, Zacchaeus, Mary Magdalene, St Francis, St Augustine, St Ignatius, St John Bosco, Mother Teresa. All had failures; all were sinners. Yet God worked through their weakness as God works through ours—touching us and transforming us: our actions, our apathy, our attitudes, our unclean lips and unclean lives. God touches with acceptance and encouragement, with warm and gracious words: “I love you. Be not afraid. Now take this love out to the world and show it to them.”
Today’s Gospel is about God calling us—warts, weakness and all—through Jesus, with his words, “Follow me.” He comes not only in worship, but in the frustration of hard work where we catch nothing, in the times where it seems we are sinking; God comes not only in washing our nets but in washing our dishes and waiting to pick up the kids from school; he calls us in the people we love and in people who drive us crazy, even those we call our enemies. He calls us to hear his voice, to bring the compassion and justice of God to a world that needs it desperately.
We come to the Eucharist today to receive once more the gift of God’s liberating love in Jesus, and to be strengthened in hearing God’s call. We pray that we too will surrender and respond in faith with our hearts and lives.
Kimberly Hahn was raised in a good and spiritual Presbyterian family. Her greatest crisis was when her husband Scott Hahn (a great scripture scholar) decided to become Catholic. She asked her Dad what he thinks she should do. Would she become Catholic too? And her wise Father gave her a prayer to pray everyday so that she would be able to follow the path to wherever God was calling her. May this too be our prayer today:
Lord, I will go wherever you want me to go
I will say whatever you want me to say
I will do whatever you want me to do
And I will give away whatever you want me to give away.
References:
Paradis, J.
Wilkins, S. (2014) What is Athelophobia?
Sonnier, M. (2013). 7 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough.
Golden Ratio Consulting. (2015). Fear of not being good enough.