Love assures, yet love requires: “As the Father loves me, so I love you – you must love one another.” Love is an assurance, love has a requirement.
A
few years ago there was this e-mail that went viral. It was written by a Korean
guy about his mother:
My mom only had one eye. I hated her…
She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support
the family. There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came
to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I
ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one
of my classmates said, "EEEE, your mom only has one eye!" I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom
to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, "If you’re only
gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?" My mom did not
respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said,
because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.
I wanted out of that house, and have
nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go study in the city, Seoul and never went back. Then, I got married. I bought a
house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and
the comforts.
Then one day, my Mother came to visit
me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren.
When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for
coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house
and scare my children! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh,
I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared
out of sight.
One day, a letter regarding a school
reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business
trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My
neighbors said that she had just passed away. I did not shed a single tear.
They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.
“My
dearest son,
I
think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your
children.
I
was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able
to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant
embarrassment to you when you were growing up.
You
see……..when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye.
As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I
gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for
me, in my place, with that eye.”
With
all my love to you,
Your
mother
Such
is a mother’s love. Just as in Isaiah 49, we ask: Can a mother forget her baby?
Or can she not feel love for the child within her womb? We all know the answer. But then Isaiah continues:
“But even if that were possible, I, Yahweh, your God would not forget you!”
(Is.49.15)
That
is God’s love. That is unconditional love- a love that gives and asks nothing
in return – a love that originates from God. For as the first reading teaches
us: “Beloved let us love one another,
because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”
And we all know that a mom, a mother often embodies that kind of unconditional love.
A mother would do anything for her child even to the point of sacrificing her
own life. It’s like what we hear in the gospel of today: “There is no greater love than to give up one’s life for a beloved.”
Love after all means assurance, acceptance, feeling safe with the one who loves
you.
But
together with acceptance comes requirements. This aspect of love is harder,
especially today. We've been influenced by the idea that, maybe, we are simply
programmed by evolution. And since morality seems to vary from culture to
culture, it is difficult to talk about commandments anymore.
There's
one commandment that young people recognize. This is going surprise some
parents, young people even if they will not show it or seem to go against it,
they will always recognize this requirement: Honor your father and mother.
I've seen the toughest, most hardened guys, including men in prison, say that
what most bothers them: they have failed their parents; they have disgraced
them. It's something deep in all of us. We want our parents – our mother, our
father, or a person who stands for them - to say, "Good job. Well done." We want to bring them honor. God
has planted that requirement, that commandment in the depths of our being.
Toya
Graham, the mother who was caught on video smacking her son after witnessing
him throwing objects at officers, said she disciplined him in public because
she wanted her son to learn a valuable lesson. "That's my only son and at the end of the day I don't want him to
be a Freddie Gray."
No
matter how tough looking her son could be with that hoodie and that rock in
hand. Before mom, he could not but obey. He would never dare dishonor his
mother. And as for Toya, no mother would want to lose her child and she would
go to no end, would pay all cost just to keep the child safe even if this child
would have to toe the line.
So
moms represent both assurance and requirement. Of course, no one has a perfect
mom. God gave me an amazing one, but she too had her defects. And at times mom could be irritating.
But she did embody assurance and requirement. And most important she points to
the one who says, "As the Father
loves me, so I also love you." And: "Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in
my love.”(Jn.15.9)
References:
_______ (2011). “The eyes have
it.” http://www.snopes.com/glurge/oneeye.asp#glMf18CCBGMvWYFr.99
Chan, M. (2015). Baltimore mother
who beat son for taking part in riots says “he will not be a Freddie Gray.”
New York Daily News.
Bloom, P. (2015). “Assurance and
Requirement.” St Mary of the Valley.