The Ecstasy in Being Cited

One of the greatest highs of being a newbie in the academe is when your technical paper/thesis/article gets cited by your peers in their works.

The first time I saw myself referenced was in an article about Arthur L. Hammond in Wikipedia. They referenced my paper (Towards a Christian Pastoral Approach to Cambodian Culture), the part which dealt about the translation of the Bible into the Khmer language.

Later my paper (Classroom Questioning Behavior Factors in Cambodian Vocational Technical Institutions) was cited in Dr I-Hsuan Cheng's article  "Case Studies of Integrated Pedagogy in Vocational Education: A Three-Tier Approach to Empowering Vulnerable Youth in Urban Cambodia" found in the International Journal of Educational Development, Volume 30, Issue 4, July 2010, Pages 438–446.

Google Scholar recorded some more citations:
- Gerhard Wiebe in 2011 cited parts of my thesis for his Masteral thesis (Mit dem Evangelium nach Kambodscha) for the University of South Africa.
- John Buckley of Kaiser University cited my journal article (Technology-aided cheating in open and distance elearning: What else do we need to know?) in his conference paper "Exploring a New Model of Academic Integrity: The PACT System" at the Society for Information Technology & Teacher Education International Conference, Mar 17, 2014 in Jacksonville, Florida, USA.
- Saeed Naseer Saeed Alqahtani of King Saudi University cited the same paper in his article: "Impact of Technology in Classrooms of Saudi Arabian Students in a Midwest University"


Knowing this fills me with a great sense of gratitude to my mentors (the One Up There primarily) who "coerced" me to write. Being cited after all reminds me that what I have written though few have in some little way contributed to the discussions to further the growth of social science. It's consoling to know that I have not written in vain.

Vampire Homilies 05 - 19th Sunday (“I am sinking, save me")

How do we tame, train, and transform our vampire?

Last week we saw that to be able to tame and train our vampire, we need to be able to protect ourselves first… and we do this by creating either a physical or emotional distance. Today in the gospel Jesus reminds us: “Immediately after feeding the crowd, Jesus and his disciples got into the boat to go ahead of the crowd to the other side (physical distance). And after he had dismissed the crowd, Jesus went up the mountain by himself to pray (emotional distance).(Mt.14:22)

Today let’s go further, how do we transform our vampire?

The gospel talks about Jesus saving Peter at sea. He sees Jesus walking on the water, gets out of the boat, starts walking to Jesus, gets frightened of the strong wind, and starts sinking.  Then he shouts: “Lord, save me.” Jesus saved the wavering and unstable Peter because Jesus is stability personified, a rock, an anchor, to which Peter could cling to and hold on to for dear life and would never ever sink.

Now this time let’s have this scenario at sea but with you and your vampire. Both of you are in the boat, then your vampire jumps in the water, and not knowing how to swim shouts: “Friend, save me” as he extends his hands for you to reach.  What will you do?

Will you jump from the boat and swim to his aid? What if he pulls you down with him?  That’s what vampires do, right? If you give your hand, they pull you down. What you do is get a rope, tie one end to a secure part of the boat, throw the rope at him, and if he grabs it, you pull him towards the boat.

The only way to save him is to maintain your distance from him and to maintain your position of stability. How to maintain distance we already discussed. But to maintain your position of stability, what does that mean?

Remember again the story of the old man with a stick who will beat you whether you eat the bread or not? What are our options? (1) walk out and find bread elsewhere, (2) protect your head and eat the bread…. Both are about maintaining distance.

Today, to transform your vampire you have to remember it’s now about you, it’s about you maintaining your stability: Take his stick and break bread together. Invite the old man to sit with you at table – to break bread together. Take the stick. Your message to him is: “Don’t lord it over me, don’t go abusing me. Let’s sit as equals and share our stories together.

Say what you feel, this means confronting your vampire (I was hurt by what you said...) But don’t say it harshly or judgingly; you’ll trigger the vampire’s sophisticated defence. It will blink red alert and he’ll either avoid you or attack you like a threatened animal.

Say your lines calmly. “A soft and gentle answer turns away anger, but harsh words stir up fury and wrath” (Pr 15:1).  To Elijah the Lord says: Go stand on the mountain, the Lord is about to pass by. There was the wind, so powerful, so harsh, but the Lord was not there. There was the earthquake, so strong, but the Lord was not there. There was the fire, so blinding and destructive, but the Lord was not there.. and after came a sheer silence. And Elijah heard it, and he wrapped his face because he knew God has come. God could not be found in force and violence, but in kindness, gentleness, and love. (1 K 19)

And so, love them to shame. The vampire or that really difficult person you are talking to is also a beloved child of God. And you have to remind him of that and do not just remind him of his weakness. You can do this because you know that this person deep down inside is not really a vampire. By showing him this kindness, you are telling him: “Your stick has no effect on me.  It is totally useless. Here let me love you.” When you deal with really difficult people, tell them they are difficult. But do not forget to tell them, through your words and actions, that they are worthy of love. Take his stick and eat bread together.

Transformation is never instant. Transformation is a journey. And as you journey with him in this task, do not forget to protect yourself – maintain your physical and emotional distance when needed and maintain your position of stability.

Finally remember that your role is to help heal their brokenness not to heal their badness. When you see a really difficult person, you only see parts of a broken vase… these broken parts are ugly, sharp, useless. You do not like to look at it, you get cut when you hold it, and all you feel is that is should be thrown away. But then that’s how you see…. You see badness and this- you cannot heal. However if you try to see how this all happened to him and from his perspective, you might have a change of heart. Here’s how a vampire feels about his life in his own words; try to feel what he feels:

“I see a beautiful and expensive vase. I reach out to touch its exquisite feel. It’s old, heavy, yet elegant and feels great. O how I would like to own a vase like this. I put back the vase on its pedestal to make sure it’s safe. And just as I was about to step away, I see the vase tip and start to fall. Like slow motion, I try to reach for it, but it slips through my fingers and shatters on the cold, marble ground. As the pieces scatter through the room, shattering sounds echo through my heart.

I stop and die a little inside. I have just broken the most beautiful vase I’ve ever seen. As I stare at the pieces I begin to realize… that vase is me. I panic. Put all the pieces in a pile. I begin to cry, I scream and shout. It doesn’t help. The vase is still broken and no amount of frustration, anger, crying, or beating myself up is ever going to put it back together again.

There is no more emotion left to feel but emptiness. I try to find a glue that could hold the pieces together again but to no avail. I need your help but I am afraid that all you see will be ugly, sharp, and useless pieces of a broken vase and like me it is worthless.”

When you try to tame and transform a vampire, will he change?  Well sometimes the vampires change.  Sometimes they won’t. But you know, that’s Ok because your role is not to know if they changed or not. Let God take care of that as a potter fixes a broken vase.  Your role is to love your vampire… to defang them. To tell them that they are really children of an incredible God who loves them totally and could heal them.  Your role is not to heal their badness.  Your role is to help heal their brokenness. So do not worry, do not be afraid of what happens to you for at the end it would be just like the gospel of today:

So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water and came to Jesus. When he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out: “Lord, save me!" Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him. “Take heart, my friend, it is I; do not be afraid.” (Mt. 14: 29b-31a.27)

Additional Reference:

Dealing with Brokenness

http://journeyanswers.com/brokenness?nPartner=enAdwords02w-dn

God can Heal Brokenness
http://christianinspirational.org/god-can-heal-brokenness/

Vampire Homilies 04 - 18th Sunday (How to get the bread)

So how do we protect ourselves from vampires? In Jesus time, there too were many vampires around him from which he had to protect himself.

Jesus had to defend himself from the criticising vampires, the Scribes and Pharisees.  They followed and listened to Jesus closely but not in order to learn.  Instead were eagerly waiting for him to make any small mistake in what he says and pounce on him. They were watching him in their hidden cameras placed all around so that they could edit any good thing he does and make it look bad and use it in court against him. They were insecurity personified.

At the start of the gospel of today, there was Herod, the spoiled brat vampire who had John the Baptist beheaded just because John could not shut up, or better because Herod promised his head to Herodias daughter just to please his court. And John was the cousin of Jesus. Did Jesus and his followers stage a protest with placards saying: Justice for John?  Note that Jesus did not confront Herod immediately. His time had not yet come. Why? He had to protect himself.

In John’s version of the gospel of today, after Jesus had multiplied the bread and fed the hungry crowd. He saw himself amidst clinging vampires. When the people saw the sign that he had done, they began to say, ‘This is indeed the prophet who is to come into the world.’ And they were about to take him by force and make him king.  They needed Jesus because they wanted him to open a 24 hour bake shop that multiplied bread and feed them every day so that they would no longer need to work. From these people too, Jesus had to protect himself.

So how did Jesus protect himself? Let’s go back the story of last week, where the old man tells you: If you eat the bread, I’ll beat you with a stick. If you don’t eat the bread, I’ll beat you with a stick. What would you do? You see in real life, many of us would suffer the beating just so we could eat, because we do not want to starve. Some might tolerate the childish screams and tantrums of their boss because they need the job… because the hunger for food is more urgent than the hunger for dignity. Some children of working age would tolerate the daily nagging and soul-killing and toxic words from their immature parents just because they feel they have no choice… because their hunger for the familiar even if it is painful is more urgent than their hunger for their freedom. When you do not protect yourself, you send a clear message to yourself that you don’t value yourself, that you are not important. This was what I was stressing last week. After understanding how the vampire operates, it’s time to start protecting ourselves from them. So how will we not get beaten up by the stick?

1. Walk out and find bread elsewhere. Get away from the old man, leave the bread at the table, and look for better bread far from this house. Jesus said:”And if a town refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.” (Lk 9:5). Walk away from the vampires. And don’t take their rejection personally, because it’s not about you. Leave them in the hands of God. Toxic friends that suck your joy and lead you to things you don’t agree. Walk away. A boyfriend who is cheating on you. Walk away. A girlfriend who’s just using you and treating you like garbage. Walk away. Create a physical distance. Sometimes this means totally cutting off a relationship. But sometimes it just means decreasing your time and involvement with a really difficult person.

In the gospel of today, when Jesus heard that Herod had beheaded John, he withdrew in a boat to a deserted place by himself.  In the multiplication of the bread in the gospel of John, when Jesus realised that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, he withdrew again to the mountain by himself. Jesus walked away. He created a physical distance.

But what if the boss is your vampire and you really love your job? What if your husband is the vampire and you can’t really leave him? What if your emotionally disturbed mother is a vampire and you are not yet of age to run away from the house? What if your insulting teacher is the vampire and you can’t just walk out of the class? In short you cannot find bread elsewhere and you really have to eat this even with a threatening stick on your head, what do you do?

Remember you were biking before, so simply wear your helmet.

2. Protect your head and eat the bread. There are times you cannot create physical space between you and the vampire. So create an emotional space. If you cannot get out of the world of the vampire, you protect yourself by wearing an extra thick emotional helmet. What does this imply? No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor Roosevelt). No one can make you feel bad without your approval. The reason why you feel bad when someone criticises you or hurl harsh words at you is because you allow his words to enter your heart. Use the truth to emotionally separate you from your vampire.  You have to imagine the truth even when the truth is not yet obvious.

For example you have a brother who verbally abuses you and says nasty things straight at your face. And you live in the same house. Remember he criticises to make you feel inferior so that he could feel superior. He is super insecure, not you. So how do you distance yourself emotionally? Shrink him and imagine him as a little plastic toy that makes a lot of noise. Then you realize that even if this little toy shouts at you all he wants, it won’t bother you because it’s just a little harmless toy. You see the truth is immature and insecure people though they may look big and terrifying on the outside, they are really small people (remember the frightened snake, frog, etc).

In reality you are much bigger than they are because you are a child of a big God. And like in the second reading of today: Who can separate us from the love of God? not even the vampires. Thus no one has the permission to belittle you.  The vampire or the really difficult person is small because he feels insecure, immature, wounded, afraid and broken. All this because he does not feel true love, but rather feels abandoned deep inside. So instead of feeling anger or hurt for what a vampire has done to you, feel compassion for him. In your mind pick up that little noisy toy and fly away to God’s repair shop to bring him there. Can you do that? Of course you can because you experience God’s love and truth more than he does.

With these two ways of creating distance, you will now able to tame and train your vampire at the same time protect yourself from them. 

But wait, there’s still one last thing. How do we transform the vampire? 

See you next week then for the conclusion of the vampire series.

Additional References:

St. Clair, Sue. How to deal with emotional vampires.

http://suestclair.hubpages.com/hub/How-to-deal-with-emotional-vampires_2

Bernstein, Albert. Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People who drain you dry,  “How to Protect yourself,”

http://www.albernstein.com/id62.htm

 Disclaimer: These articles do not claim grammatical correctness because it's a draft guide for a spoken homily. It merely answers to the need of the people who heard it and would like to review what was said that particular Sunday.