A few days back I made some of my students and teachers cry. I’m not proud of it. In fact I feel bad about it. I had to execute a school policy. It was my duty. Unfortunately its compliance would result to painful separation for some. At first I wondered why it affected the others so much; too late did I remember these words:
… the rule of conduct in (Khmer) society will be “do not behave differently from the others" (khos pi ke), do not push yourself forward, do not take the initiative, for fear of finding yourself alone, of disgracing yourself in front of others, being derided for possible failure, judged. (Ponchaud, 1977)
And then with all my good intentions of wanting them to see reason behind such policy, I might have been too forceful in expressing my point. Again I should have known better and pondered these:
… (In Cambodia) the intents and attitudes of an individual should not be cause for exaggerated displays of anger or frustration. It is more respectful to indicate indirectly one’s position or feelings through physical demeanor or tone of voice, so that the recipient can intuitively judge the meaning intended and avoid unpleasant open confrontation.. (Seanglim Bit, 1991)
This becomes a real dilemma for me as an educator here: if I just follow what I have perceived to be right and in accordance with the more universally accepted rules of education, I would hurt their feelings. On the other hand, if I go down to their level and follow their ways, I feel I that I am bringing down the level of education in Cambodia 100 years behind the rest of the world. For now I can do nothing but simply ask for Your Guiding Light.