So
how do we protect ourselves from vampires? In Jesus time, there too were many
vampires around him from which he had to protect himself.
Jesus
had to defend himself from the criticising
vampires, the Scribes and Pharisees. They followed and listened to Jesus closely
but not in order to learn. Instead were
eagerly waiting for him to make any small mistake in what he says and pounce on
him. They were watching him in their hidden cameras placed all around so that
they could edit any good thing he does and make it look bad and use it in court
against him. They were insecurity personified.
At
the start of the gospel of today, there was Herod, the spoiled brat
vampire who had John the Baptist beheaded just because John could not shut
up, or better because Herod promised his head to Herodias daughter just to please
his court. And John was the cousin of Jesus. Did Jesus and his followers stage
a protest with placards saying: Justice for John? Note that Jesus did not confront Herod
immediately. His time had not yet come. Why? He had to protect himself.
In
John’s version of the gospel of today, after Jesus had multiplied the bread and
fed the hungry crowd. He saw himself
amidst clinging vampires. When the
people saw the sign that he had done, they began to say, ‘This is indeed the
prophet who is to come into the world.’ And they were about to take him by
force and make him king. They needed
Jesus because they wanted him to open a 24 hour bake shop that multiplied bread
and feed them every day so that they would no longer need to work. From these
people too, Jesus had to protect himself.
So
how did Jesus protect himself? Let’s go back the story of last week, where the
old man tells you: If you eat the bread, I’ll beat you with a stick. If you
don’t eat the bread, I’ll beat you with a stick. What would you do? You see in
real life, many of us would suffer the beating just so we could eat, because we
do not want to starve. Some might tolerate the childish screams and tantrums of
their boss because they need the job… because the hunger for food is more
urgent than the hunger for dignity. Some children of working age would tolerate
the daily nagging and soul-killing and toxic words from their immature parents
just because they feel they have no choice… because their hunger for the
familiar even if it is painful is more urgent than their hunger for their
freedom. When you do not protect yourself, you send a clear message to yourself
that you don’t value yourself, that you are not important. This was what I was
stressing last week. After understanding how the vampire operates, it’s time to
start protecting ourselves from them. So how will we not get beaten up by the
stick?
1. Walk out and find bread elsewhere. Get away from
the old man, leave the bread at the table, and look for better bread far from
this house. Jesus said:”And if a town
refuses to welcome you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that
you have abandoned those people to their fate.” (Lk 9:5). Walk away from
the vampires. And don’t take their rejection personally, because it’s not about
you. Leave them in the hands of God. Toxic friends that suck your joy and lead
you to things you don’t agree. Walk away. A boyfriend who is cheating on you.
Walk away. A girlfriend who’s just using you and treating you like garbage.
Walk away. Create a physical distance.
Sometimes this means totally cutting off a relationship. But sometimes it just
means decreasing your time and involvement with a really difficult person.
In
the gospel of today, when Jesus heard that Herod had beheaded John, he withdrew
in a boat to a deserted place by himself.
In the multiplication of the bread in the gospel of John, when Jesus
realised that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king,
he withdrew again to the mountain by himself. Jesus walked away. He created a
physical distance.
But
what if the boss is your vampire and you really love your job? What if your
husband is the vampire and you can’t really leave him? What if your emotionally
disturbed mother is a vampire and you are not yet of age to run away from the
house? What if your insulting teacher is the vampire and you can’t just walk
out of the class? In short you cannot find bread elsewhere and you really have
to eat this even with a threatening stick on your head, what do you do?
Remember
you were biking before, so simply wear your helmet.
2. Protect your head and eat the bread. There are times
you cannot create physical space between you and the vampire. So create an emotional space. If you
cannot get out of the world of the vampire, you protect yourself by wearing an
extra thick emotional helmet. What does this imply? No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor
Roosevelt). No one can make you feel bad without your approval. The reason
why you feel bad when someone criticises you or hurl harsh words at you is because
you allow his words to enter your heart. Use the truth to emotionally separate
you from your vampire. You have to
imagine the truth even when the truth is not yet obvious.
For
example you have a brother who verbally abuses you and says nasty things
straight at your face. And you live in the same house. Remember he criticises
to make you feel inferior so that he could feel superior. He is super insecure,
not you. So how do you distance yourself emotionally? Shrink him and imagine
him as a little plastic toy that makes a lot of noise. Then you realize that
even if this little toy shouts at you all he wants, it won’t bother you because
it’s just a little harmless toy. You see the truth is immature and insecure
people though they may look big and terrifying on the outside, they are really
small people (remember the frightened
snake, frog, etc).
In
reality you are much bigger than they are because you are a child of a big God. And like in the second reading of today: Who can separate us from the love of God? not even the vampires. Thus no one has the permission to belittle you.
The vampire or the really difficult person is small because he feels
insecure, immature, wounded, afraid and broken. All this because he does not feel true
love, but rather feels abandoned deep inside. So instead of feeling anger or
hurt for what a vampire has done to you, feel compassion for him. In your mind
pick up that little noisy toy and fly away to God’s repair shop to bring him
there. Can you do that? Of course you can because you experience God’s love and
truth more than he does.
With
these two ways of creating distance, you will now able to tame and train your
vampire at the same time protect yourself from them.
But wait, there’s still
one last thing. How do we transform the vampire?
See
you next week then for the conclusion of the vampire series.
Additional References:
St.
Clair, Sue. How to deal with emotional vampires.
Bernstein,
Albert. Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People who drain you dry, “How to Protect yourself,”
Disclaimer: These articles do not claim grammatical correctness because it's a draft guide for a spoken homily. It merely answers to the need of the people who heard it and would like to review what was said that particular Sunday.